Why I'll be taking my children to Burning Man for the seventh year!

I first heard about Burning Man about 10 years ago. It's a week long art festival that happens every year the week before Labor Day in the Black Rock Desert just North of Reno NV. They build a virtual city in the middle to the desert on Indian land and 50,000 people show up. People camp in villages at Burning Man, some with 1,000 people in them and some just little groups together. Burning Man is about radical creative Self Expression, people are in costumes, wild costumes, some are naked, there are 100s of amazing art installations, some over 100 ft tall, many that you can climb on! The art is funny, wild, many pieces have a real message to deliver, some just take your breath away beautiful.

Burning Man is a different experience for everyone and you can find whatever you are looking for. Just like in life, it's all available and you have to make lots of choices about what you do and who you hang out with.

Some people come to Burning Man to party, to dance all night long, to explore spirituality or sexuality, to learn, listen to great speakers on every topic, to do yoga, contact improv, to meditate, to perform, to spin fire (there are 5,000 fire performers every year at Burning Man), to play, to dress up, to get loose, to forget who they are in the default world and discover a more authentic "unconditioned" self , to experience profound opening and expansion, to get real, to explore and discover. There are hundred of workshops on every topic offered, you can get a massage, a haircut, a pedicure, a tantric class, your whole body painted with glitter, you can make great new friends and have amazing experiences together and you won't even know their real names (most people have playa names they go by.. mine is gypsy mama) or what they do for a living.. and frankly you don't care.. people are open, loving, helpful, offering gifts and saying yes to all kinds of things they may not say yes to at home!

Burning Man is a gift economy, everyone is offering different things, services, hugs, jewelry, lessons, entertainment, food, etc.. There is nothing for sale here except ice and coffee.

So I took my kids to Burning Man because I met an 11 yr old girl at a homeschool camping trip 7 years ago that rocked my world. A friend told me that there was a family of Burners on the camping trip and they'd been 3x. I was very excited to meet them. I saw this girl from about 100 yards away. I felt her. I walked up to her (I'd never met her and did not know her name) I reached out and put my hands on the sides of her waist and I pushed my belly up against her's (I have no idea why) and I rubbed my belly against her's. She went with it.. she smiled like she know this was what we were supposed to be doing..

I said to her I hear you've been to 3 burns, she nodded her head. And has it shaped you as a person I asked, oh yes, she replied. Will you tell me about it, I asked? Yes she said and she started telling me stories about her experiences on the playa.

After just 10 minutes of talking to her I knew we would go to the Burn that year, I changed our plans for the summer to plan to be there and I knew that bringing my kids would be a huge part of our homeschooling experience.

We camped in Kidsville, a family camp of about 400-500 people. Kids play on trampolines and climbing structures from morning till night, every family offers activities, rides on their art cars, kid swapping so parents can get out and do some adult things and share meals. We usually split our time between hanging out in kidsville and roaming the playa and climbing on art and participating in all of the hundreds of activities offered. There are not a lot of kids at Burning Man, I've found that most people are really happy to see my kids, to talk with them, to offer things to them and to play with them.

A few of the highlights, my kids favorite activities  - dodgeball camp - last year we played dodgeball every night, a few kids there, mostly adults, rocking music and lots of fun! Smores camp, they serve smores every night at 7pm around a big fire.. big hit! There are camps with obstacle courses, giant swings, trampolines, mini golf courses, trapeze ropes to walk, rings to swing on, hula hooping, fire spinning, fire hooping, costumes camps, camps offering food - ramon, bacon, yummy stuff.  Haircut camps, Reese got a mohawk last year! The kids get to battle in Thunderdome with foam bats and bungee harnesses on.. Last year my kids were invited to play Fire Dodgeball, yes they wore big gloves and flung a giant ball on fire at the other team, crazy! And the most incredible music, art, performance art, art cars roaming the playa and amazing inspiring people really enjoying themselves and sharing their merriment.

My kids love Burning Man, they make friends, play all day, get their hearts and minds opened and get to see tens of thousands of adults playing like kids just for the fun of it.

We'll be in Kidsville again this year, it's at 530 & D. If you are on the playa, stop by and say hi, just ask someone where Gypsy Mama's camp is.

Argue with Reality at your own Peril..

Being a mom I'm often asking myself, what do I really want for my kids? What am I modeling for them? What are my actions teaching them? I felt growing up that my parents told me to "do as I say not as I do." My response was always "but your actions are so loud, I can't hear your words!"

More often these days I know that the most important thing I can demonstrate for my children is that I am aware even in my most afflictive thoughts and feelings that there is this "well being" that is always on, a stable ground in the midst of the tsunami of emotions. My kids and I have a code word we use with each other when we notice big upset, we simply say, Remember! Remember who you are, remember you can take a deep breath, remember that no matter how you feel, you are always ok, coming back the "okness" is always an option, it's always there.  This simple reminder to Remember came out of this experience below.

About a year ago, I was having a conversation with a few friends, I'd enrolled my kids in a musical and they were really upset after the first day of rehearsal. It's never easy when your child has a total meltdown and refuses to participate in an activity that I know they'll likely enjoy once they are over the "thing". So they are both very upset and I found myself getting derailed by their big feelings.

Instead of just opening my heart to my children and offering my highest gift -my own total stability - I fell into a story that the gal running the theater didn't really do a good job of making the kids comfortable the first day. Instead of fully allowing my kids to have their experience and being willing to acknowledge my own discomfort in seeing my kids so upset. I blamed, I projected, I made her wrong and thus, moved away from the intense sensation in myself and in my kids. I got overwhelmed and fell into the habit of blame. Then I started to tel the story to my friends.

Anyone relate? So I'm in my little fit, criticizing the theater gal and suddenly my friend Mikki Willis said to me, JoAnne, maybe you should really just stop complaining and criticizing (especially in front of your boys). I was floored.. I heard him, I resonated with what he was suggesting, but I was so deep in my justified "story" that what he was suggesting was not even on my radar.

Anyone relate? No matter how much spiritual work you've done (I've done quite a bit), we all have these pockets of unconsciousness, these places we find ourselves where we are deep in a story of "wouldn't it be better if ________ " (fill in the blank). Wouldn't it be better if they would do this? Act like this? not have done that? All of these "stories" are an argument with reality. They are all saying that it's not ok what's here now.

To really get what I'm saying here you've got to know the difference between what is here now and you're story about what is here now.. The clearer we get, the more we see, the less deluded we are, the less hypnotized, wrapped up in stories, the less we blame, criticize, complain or make anyone or anything wrong.

The clearer we are, the more grounded we are, the less we argue with what is. It took me about a year, but this became very clear, I made the pledge recently to not blame, criticize, complain or make anyone or anything wrong. It's been the greatest liberation I've every known and a gift I am moved to share with others.

This is what I want to model for my children. To learn to be present with themselves, to know what is arising in them and to meet it fully with an open heart and open mind. To take full responsibility for my own stable, well being. This capacity to be completely clear that no one can make me happy and no one can make me unhappy, that is up to me. It's up to me, I determine my own attitude, how I see the world, where I fight and struggle with myself and others or if I can find the space of surrender within.

In the commitment to not complain, not to argue with life, not to blame others as if they are the cause of my upset, but to stay lovingly present with myself as emotions arise, to allow them fully and let them land in the ground like fertilizer for my own soil. This accepting of full responsibility for my own experience and commitment to stay present with what arises is where I've found great liberation and great empowerment. It's the end of believing that I'm a victim of life and the end of believing that I'm in lack or that I don't have what I need to thrive and be happy and content. What greater gift could I offer myself or could I model for my children?

On Children Kahlil Gibran
 Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
 They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts.
 You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
 You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
 You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
 For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Since I first read this book many years ago.. this passage on children stops me cold.. you may strive to be like them but seek not to make them like you.. I so appreciate about what is unconditioned in children, it reminds me of my own unconditioned nature. Babies especially, I can see it in them immediately, they are free, they are not feeling separate, worrying about me or mine or lack..
So often I take my kids to the park and I hear moms of toddlers who are touching some kids toy.. that's not yours! They don't really care I often think..

Why do we need to teach separation and lack? From my perspective it's so much more important to learn from our kids, remember our own unconditioned reality, where we don't need to classify and categorize or label.. of course we can help our kids to navigate certain things, to focus on solutions, to empower themselves by honoring them mostly.

 There is such an opportunity for mindfulness in how we want to train our children, it's so important to honor who and what they are as we try to give them skills to have more flow as they go through life. The priority is to remember who they are: whole, complete and perfect, deep wisdom is within them, they know why they are here and what they are here to do on some level and my job is to remember this always. I need to trust that they have access to their own deep wisdom and continuously point them back to that as the guiding force.

To treat my kids with the same respect I'd give any other adult person as best as I can.. truly there are no small souls! Let your bending in the archers hand be for gladness.. this really speaks to me.. my experience of parenting has absolutely bent me.. it's shaped me, it's opened my heart in ways I could not imagine.. my children are here to teach me about unconditional love.. I have no doubt about that.. they are here to bring me back to the recognition of my own true nature, so sweet!

the game of unschooling..

I was so fortunate to meet a few families who were homeschooling before I had children. The kids impressed me, they were bright, well adjusted and had a sense of peace about them. When Reese was just 8 months old, I attended a 5 day homeschooling conference and listened to about 30 different speakers share. I was blown away.. again.. I was 34, I'd been around, I'd had 2 careers, gotten a Masters Degree, traveled and once again a whole new world opened up to me, just like with homebirthing, attachment parenting, co sleeping, not vaccinating, a whole world of choices opened up and once again I seemed to be strongly internally guided away from the mainstream. I listened to a speaker at the conference who shared that the two primary language arts were not reading and writing but speaking and listening. There are many people who are quite proficient at reading and writing as skills but they are not very good at really deeply listening and expressing their truth, being true to themselves, speaking up and being in integrity with their highest heart expression. I felt so strongly that children come in with a sense of who they really are, the fullness and greatness of who they are, they are here for a reason and somewhere inside of them they know what they are here to do and how they are to contribute. I felt that it was not my job to mold them as I see fit, but to see them for who they really are, see the perfection in them, what was whole, complete and perfect. My job was to listen to them, to love them, to provide a container for them to grow and flourish and thrive! This path of unschooling, homeschooling without a strict curriculum, giving my children space, freedom and time to pursue what they love, to choose how they spend their time, to allow a lot of time for play and exploration. with less direction and more inspiration and exposure. Our conditioning says we need to condition our kids, make them mind, teach them, mold them.. etc. and there is some of that that is beneficial.. but for the most part, I believe we need to celebrate that which is unconditioned in all of us, but more often expressed in them.. what is always free & open, our infinite potential .. Our children are here to teach us more than we are here to teach them. love this quote, it says it best, it's been a guide for me for many years.. by Kahlil Gibran “Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For thir souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.”

Evolution and the ever changing flow of life..

I've gotten inspired to breathe some new life into my parenting blog.. so here goes.. My boys are 12 and almost 9 now.. each year is full of new experiences for us, I keep learning more and more how to relax as a mom, how to trust my innate inner knowing, to appreciate my kids more deeply each day... and truly I am overwhelmed with gratitude for the clarity I had since before they were even born about what was really important: to spend time together, to honor and respect each other, to be very present and to see one another deeply at the essence not just at the surface. So many things influenced me along the way. I was 8 years sober and 33 years old when my oldest Reese was born, I'd been on a conscious spiritual path for 10 years, I'd done loads of therapy of all kinds, I'd had amazing healing in my own life, in my relationships, I'd transformed in many ways. I had been a lover of kids and babies (and animals) for most of my life, I got to spend every weekend with my niece (from age 2 mos to 2 years) for 2 years prior to my son being born, I was really ready to be a mom. I learned about homeschooling before my kids were born, I attended a 5 day homeschooling conference when Reese was 7 mos old, my eyes were opened, I was amazed by the homeschooled kids that I met, I resonated so deeply with how respectful and honoring it felt to let you children learn at their own rate and pace, to let them learn what was interesting for them, to not institutionalize them and put them in an environment where they were forced to learn stuff for 8 hours a day that they did not care about, be graded and rated and compared and labeled I was so drawn to want to be with my kids.. the thought of sending my 5 yr old off for 3-6 hours a day to let someone else teach him, learn with him, share all of his amazing discoveries with him was not remotely interesting. I'd had 2 careers and gone back to school, gotten a Masters degree, achieved and accomplished.. now I was ready to be a mommy full time. Here I am 12 years later and I still feel the same way! I still want to homeschool. I am still loving being with my kids, following and fueling their passions, discovering and delighting in who they are each day. Even though I've gone back to work in the last 6 months and our schedule does not look the same as when we played all day and traveled all the time, we are still homeschooling and spending tons of time playing and learning and growing together. My kids are thriving, I am thriving, life is delightful and I'm loving it.

Noticing the amazing colors of life?

Listening to an amazing book with my kids, The Giver, I read it in 7th grade I think.
What rich dialogue we are having, this is the beauty of homeschooling and I'm cherishing this time with my boys.
A story about one solution to eliminate pain, suffering, war, violence, death, all the sorrow of life.. the cost for this is called sameness and it is the elimination of joy, love, nature, color, variety and individuality and choices.. but here's the catch.. the people in this culture don't know what they are missing..
One boy in the story is selected at age 12 to have this special job, no one here chooses their own job, or their own spouse, their children, they are given a job, based on their interests at age 12 for life. They request a spouse and children, they live with a spouse for the time of raising children and then they go to live with childless adults, they don't have sex, they take a pill to suppress these extreme feelings. All of this is governed by the rules, if they break the rules, they are disciplined and if it continues they are released. Jonas our main character is selected to be the holder of all the memories of the past, memories of all the things that the culture has taken away to offer a world of safety, predictability, sameness. He learns about weather, snow, animals, war, death, suffering, he learns that release is actually killed and he suffers greatly.
As Jonas's eyes are opened, of course he chooses free choice, life with pain and color, reality rather than lying and having ones emotions cut off.
As I listened to the story when he actually sees color for the first time, sees a bird, clouds.. he is in awe..
I started to ask myself .. how often am I in awe of the colors of life? all of the colors? in awe?
The sad news is that when I am caught up in my thoughts, my pain, my story, my limitation -like the culture where there are no real deep feelings, I don't notice the beauty of life, the color, the vibrance, the incredible aliveness of each moment. I don't notice the perfection of all of life because I am caught up in the limited descriptions and intense but ultimately passing experiences. These endless stories of what's what, how i feel, what i think, what's wrong, how much i hurt, who hurt me.. these stories are like the pills to make the urges go away, they cut me off from the vibrancy of life, give me a half life, seem to cut me off from the infinite expression of what I truly am.

it takes a village..

When we came back to Boulder in December... i've never been more aware of the value of my "village" ...
two of my oldest dearest mommy friends live here in colorado now.. my good friend Ali had just bought a house and was
planning on renting the back unit behind her house.. to us! we had a homeschool community here, i had a satsang community, an AA community, a dance community, great mom friends, both of the boys had made such good friends here.. they played sports, and we involved in many activities they loved.. combine that with the beauty of Boulder, the seasons, and the small town feel... it was an easy move.. parenting and homeschooling mostly on my own has been amazing and challenging, the support of a village and ideally a community of fellow inspired homeschooling families is so where i long to be be...

So we got to live next door to the Zeljo's.. an homeschooling family of 4 boys.. such a beautiful gift..
When I really boil it down.. the most important thing really is the village.. how rich is our relating? what is the quality of our friendships? I feel like it's my job to share my kids with the world.. to have a very rich experience with them.. which seems to be mostly about really knowing who they are, their innate beauty and perfection. To remember .. who I really am, who they really are.. beyond the current description of the moment.. big picture.. really remember the essence, this is the key to all really consistent joyful relating, the key to real love, it's the key to trusting in the unfolding..

the village is a metaphor ....for the model of trusting and relying on source, presence, well being, awareness, clarity, God, whatever you want to call this... that always is here, always on, fully expressing.. it's that on which we can always rely..
it takes a village.. it takes this tremendous trust in our own capacity to fully know ourselves, to recognize that all that we are just an expression of all that is .. so in this realization of what we actually are.. we are in unity/village awareness.. once more it's the work is within.. here first.. what is realized here can outpicture in our world..