9/24/07 We're back in Redondo Beach.. Washington

I stopped at a fruit stand this morning and got to talking to the owner, is that your motorhome? he asked.. yes we are traveling... what a great life, where are you from? Redondo Beach i said, Washington? he asked. No California.. oh well there is a Redondo Beach Washington also.. how about that..

And off we drove headed for Seattle and then i saw a sign for Saltpoint State Park and off I headed off the freeway in search of some nature, I was a bit tired of cities after being in one for almost 2 weeks. I did not find the park, but somehow i wound up in .. guess??? Redondo Beach, a tiny harbor with a sweet piece of beach, a pier and a few restaurants .. and a great view of Pugot Sound. It alwasy amazes me how kids play at the beach, no toys, just digging and discovering.. I jumped back into my very sweet novel Animal Dreams by Barbara Kingsolver, I read another of hers just a few weeks ago, called Pigs in Heaven, great writer, makes the characters so alive, it is an intimate encounter with life.

Something big shifts have been happening, for the past 15 years I have been on a quest, well actually the quest started before that. From a very young age i was on a quest, for excitement, for love, for knowledge, for the great life.. So much searching, first in drugs and alcohol, looking for that "feeling" that I was ok, that I could do anything, that I was going somewhere, achieving or accomplishing something worthwhile.. Looking in school, clubs, friends, higher education, careers, always looking, outside for mySelf, sometimes finding satisfaction but never for long, and the search would continue. In the realm of spirituality I searched the longest and the hardest, 12 steps, Indian teachers and gurus, religious science, manifesting, being a conscious creator, on and on.. but not finding mySelf exactly..

And now, I feel that the quest is over, no more searching and seeking, still looking but not to find but more to enjoy and discover, I feel a greater sense of oneness than ever, with everyone, every tree, every flower, I feel a sense of peace and contentment and a deep appreciation for all of life, and it is really strong in nature, i feel instantly calm and nurtured almost. Instead of seeking this peace and presense, it seems I am it. And so are you, so it everything, seeking has become recognition, seeing the source of all in everything, and the me that i relate to is also that.

So, i am reading novels instead of spiritual books (or the parenting books i read obsessively for 5 years). And i feel this amazing beauty most of the time, in everything. And I don't feel that there is anything that i have to do or experience or accomplish or achieve, just to be here now, aware of the miracle of all of life, in awe of the beauty, wow.