I have not been to Lake Tahoe in 10+ years, i visited friends a lot here during high school and college but my interests were so different then. We camped at Zepher Cove and played on the beach there, Tahoe is just breathtaking. Camp Henderson down the road was a real jem. We passed right by the casinos, the stores, the restaurants and all the "activities" and headed for the campground and the beach.
It is awesome to have been reduced to such simple pleasures, I love the fire at night, hanging out at the campground in the morning, playing games, beading, doing henna tatoos, riding our bikes, then head to the beach in the afternoon and play in the water and make friends. The evenings are about playing games, reading, campfire, talking and whatever catches our fancy. I am so loving discovering new sights, being in the RV (feels so like home) doing life everyday with my kids and enjoying all the simple pleasures of nature.
I had a discussion today about life, parenting, what children need, uprooting, stability and what is that, how important is it to be happy, and the like. We were coming from very different places and see life in a very different way, but i felt good about the conversation and it warms me now to think about it.
Basically i want for myself the same thing i want for my kids, to be happy, to do what i enjoy, to treat others with love and respect and tollerance. I want the freedom to follow my passions and listen to my heart and follow my own intuition. I feel that i have spent 15 years of dilligent work to heal from the past, recover from addiction and my own false beliefs and unhealthy patterns and i have learned about how i created my own suffering mostly by thinking that things or people should be different from how the are. I am not doing that now and it is grand. I feel so at peace with myself and most of life. Byron Katie has a book called Loving What Is, that so sums up this way of being, it is also all through the AA program, live and let live, Acceptance is the answer to all your problems, let go and let god, etc..
I am not saying that my goal is to only have good and avoid the rest, but rather to embrace it all, but not create suffering by resisting what is. I think the best thing i have to offer my kids is my joy, I get frustrated sometimes when i feel like i am not enjoying my kids as much as i'd like and i try to pause and adjust myself accordingly. I want to help them learn about life and themselves and to be open to explore and embrace the joys that life has to offer. Of course being with my kids all day everyday my life is about them, my activities are largely dictated to their likes and dislikes but i don't see parenting as self sacrifice, i think it about the art of meeting all of our needs as best as we can. To get clear about what the most important thing is; being together, being in harmony, enjoying each other, laughing and celebrating the miracle of being alive, accepting each other, respecting each other and discovering together how we teach each other about how to be in the world and enjoy this experience. I can be with them and still listen to music, write, exercise, eat well, enjoy friends, travel and be myself.
what a journey.. it is so sweet..
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